Pemex

Once again, it’s been a while since I last posted. Hopefully my last small series gave you a taste of my chaotic life.  I should add this disclaimer. Most of my rigs aren’t like that. Lately, I seem to have some sort of rig curse on me that causes everything I touch to fail in dramatic and unheard of ways. But that’s not normal.

Today I’m on one of those normal jobs. With the exception of some bad signal and a generator overheating causing a loss of power for entire night, we’re doing pretty good. It’s been at least a week since I lost any sleep. I thought I’d take this time of tranquility to describe for you some of my favorite people. Pemex.

One of my Pemex rigs. So pretty!

Ah Pemex. The love-hate relationship we have with our dear, (in-direct) client.  Now you should know a few things before we get started. Pemex is one of the largest oil producers in the world. Their offshore operations are supposed to be very tightly controlled and well run. I wish I could say the same for land. If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard “Well the logical thing to do is___ so naturally Pemex wants to ____(opposite thing)” I could retire.  Realistically, Pemex isn’t all bad. If they didn’t have at least some of their stuff together, they couldn’t make billions of dollars every year for Mexico. So, instead I’m going to focus on some of the people I encounter every day. 

The Engineer

On every Pemex rig, there’s an engineer. Generally speaking, they’re never sure what to make of me. I had one engineer who refused to speak to me for almost a week. He asked the SLB company man to relay everything to me in meetings. That was a little awkward. I’ve had other engineers request I print logs every two hours. Not that big a deal, but a lot of work for me. I’ve had other engineers who absolutely love me. They email me thank you notes after I send the logs every day and ask me what kind of wireline tools to run. They’re honest and tell us ‘well, we’re lazy, so it’ll probably be later than that.’ When my tool fails, they call my office and tell them that it wasn’t my fault and please don’t take away the pretty engineer.

The Technico

This is the Pemex equivalent of a company man. Kind of. These guys also vary. I’ve had a few tell me to do whatever I want. Which is great for me, then I don’t have to explain every single survey procedure to him.  I have others ask for reports of everything, which for me is a pain (my Spanish has come to the point where it’s easier to talk than it is to write). I currently have a crazy technico.  He’s been complaining about the time it takes to get our surveys. Which by the way, is about 5 mins.  Every time he complains about us losing time I want to ask him if he’s charging Non-Productive Time (NPT) for the famous Pemex breakfast break (usually about an hour long, frequently drilling stops during this time). I also am convinced that Pemex searches the country for the people that mumble and have the strongest accents for these guys. I never seem to understand them very easily. I understand the irony of having someone around to translate Spanish into Spanish for me, but sometimes it’s necessary.

The Driller

My relationship with the driller is usually the closest one I form on the rig. Why? Because I have to talk to him all the time. When I need to know what’s going on, I ask him. He tells me the truth. When I need a survey, I tell him. I walk him through exactly what I need at any given time. Then he explains what he can and cannot do. I talk with him about how we’re going to break the BHA and/or make up my tools. The driller is my special friend on the rig. I’m nice to him. And he’s nice to me. When they change the crews, I get sad because I have to train someone else to do exactly what I want.  Getting a good driller is like winning the lottery. Suddenly, you don’t have to go stand on the floor every connection. He calls on the radio and tells you he’s taking the survey. You pause your movie and look at it say ‘thank you, keep drilling’, and move on with life…

The Old Guy

A lot of Pemex rigs seem to have an old guy on the crew. His purpose is unclear, because he appears too old to help push around pipe. His existence seems to center around prolonging each and every meeting to an unbearable point. His talent is his ability to simultaneously discuss every other job he’s ever been on and compare it to the current one, while making absolutely no valid and helpful points.  A particularly old Old guy can extend a 20 minute meeting into an hour. Also, he frequently is missing a few teeth, making it almost impossible for me to understand him.

The creepy guy

Creepy guy is the reason I carry my pepper spray with me on the rig. Usually it starts innocently enough. He asks me if I’m married, usually while I’m waiting for the driller to finish something.  Then he and the driller proceed to tease me about needing to get a Mexican boyfriend, to improve my Spanish.  At most rigs this guy only stares at me strangely and tells me I’m pretty. I can handle that. At some rigs however, this gets escalated. I’ve had rig hands beg me to add them to facebook. I’m had them bring me flowers in my camper. I’ve had them come down to my trailer and chat with me while I’m trying to work. On a rig a week ago, one guy told me all about his wife, pregnant 16 year old daughter and 12 year old son. Then he told me again how pretty I was. Then he said any of the Pemex crew would get fired if we accused them of sexual assault and so we should feel safe at the rig. Oh. Well in that case…

A general note on Pemex operations

I love my Pemex crews most of the time.  They’re a pain. I never understand half the decisions Pemex makes, but it keeps it exciting trying to guess why all of the sudden its okay to rotate the drill pipe without the pumps on (a note- it’s NEVER okay to do this. My office told me to run away from the rig). Or why they think my tool isn’t working when it very clearly is. Or why they think it’s okay to drill so damn close to other wells without telling us. Or why it’s okay to hold our tools hostage in the hole. Or why they stop work 45 mins before the crew change (“well, we’re going to have to stop working in 30 mins, so we might as well stop now!” – I’m waiting for them to decide it’s too much to start working in the first place) Or a million other things that they decide every day that makes absolutely no sense.

They’re also the guys that I run into rig after rig and they always remember me. They call me up to the floor just to feed me breakfast. They put up with my bad Spanish and don’t get mad at me when we miscommunicate and I need something different than what they just did. They don’t always charge me for the actual NPT I create, making my failures less serious.

All in all, as messed up and backwards as our operations here might be. We get things done. At least we must if Pemex has a net worth of over $415 billion dollars. I wonder sometimes what it will be like to go back to the US and do this job for a big operator. With paperwork. And efficiency metrics. And English speaking people. And I decide that maybe a little longer in México isn’t a bad thing. Pemex and all.